Tare da BILKISU YUSUF ALI, Ph’D
Wannan bincike ya yi nazari kan matsalar saurin fushi a tsakanin maza a cikin aure da kuma rawar da mace za ta taka wajen rage wannan hali. An tattauna dalilai, illoli da hanyoyin magance matsalar ta fuskar ilimin halayyar ɗan’adam da kuma koyarwar addini. Sakamakon ya nuna cewa sadarwa mai kyau, haɗuri da taimakon juna na iya rage wannan matsala sosai.
Gabatarwa:
Aure wata muhimmiyar alaƙa ce da ke buƙatar fahimta da haɗin kai. Duk da haka, matsaloli irin su saurin fushi na iya kawo tangarɗa ga zaman lafiya. Masana sun nuna cewa rashin sarrafa fushi yana daga cikin manyan dalilan rikice-rikicen aure. Ya kamata mata su gane fushi halitta ne ta ɗan’adam zai yi wuya farat ɗaya miji mai fushi ya dawo marar fushi ko marar faɗa sabo halittarsa ce a haka, wasu mazan ma za a ga tamkar gado suka yin a saurin hasala don haka a ce namiji ya sauka a wannan halin take yanke zai yi wahala. To amma kuma yau da gobe ta hanyar bin waɗannan shawarwarin da za a kawo za a dace a sannu. Haka kuma ba maza ne kaɗai ke da saurin fushi da faɗ aba, akan samu mata da suke da wannan ɗabi’ar to amma da yake ita mace a ƙarƙashin namiji take fushinta da faɗanta ba su cika yin tasiri ba , kuma ma a ɗabi’ance fushi da faɗa da hasala ba ɗabi’ar mace ne ba don haka nasu ba ya yin nisa.
A cewar John Gottman, yadda ma’aurata ke mu’amala yayin rikici yana da tasiri kai tsaye ga dorewar aure. Don haka, fahimtar yadda za a magance saurin fushi na da matuƙar muhimmanci. Rabuwar aure ba masalaha ba ce ga dukkan ma’aurata a yayin da aka yi rashin dace da zama da miji mai saurin fushi. Neman masalaha da gano dalilin fushi da nemo hikima a matsayinki na mace da za ki riƙa sauke shi a fushin cikin gagawa shi ne mafita don ba ki da tabbas in kin rabu da mijinki me saurin fushi a gaba ba za ki kuma samun me irin halinsa ba. Bayan wannan matsala ma akwai yara wataƙila a tsakani. Su ma in kin tafi kin bar su wa ki ka zaɓa don ya yi musu tarbiyya? A hannun wa ki ka bar su? Bahaushe ma dai cewa ya yi “taya Allah kiwo ya fi Allah na nan” Maimakon fushi kamata ya yi ki karanta wannan rubutun ki ɗauki shawara don samo dabarun saisaita zuciyar maigidanki da kanki har ta kai Allah ya taimake ki kin rage masa zafin wannan zuciyar.
Ma’anar saurin fushi da dalilansa:
Saurin fushi wani yanayi ne da mutum ke nuna ɓacin rai cikin gaggawa ba tare da jinkiri ba. Wannan hali yana iya zama sakamakon abubuwa da dama:
1 Dalilan halayyar ɗan adam:
Rashin koyon sarrafa motsin rai tun ƙuruciya
Tasirin muhalli (gidan da aka taso)
Halin ɗabi’a na mutum
2 Dalilan zamani:
Matsin tattalin arziki
Rashin aiki ko yawan aiki
Matsalolin zamantakewa
3. Dalilan lafiya:
Bincike a fannin Psychology ya nuna cewa damuwa (stress) da rashin bacci na iya ƙara saurin fushi.
Illolin saurin fushi a aure:
Rage kusanci da soyayya
Haifar da tsoro da damuwa ga mata da yara
Iya kai wa ga tashin hankali
Lalata sadarwa tsakanin ma’aurata
A binciken American Psychological Association an nuna cewa rashin sarrafa fushi yana da alaƙa da matsalolin lafiyar kwakwalwa da na zamantakewa.
Dabarun da mace za ta yi don zama da miji mai saurin fushi:
1. Haƙuri da nutsuwa:
Haƙuri na rage rikici kuma yana ba da dama ga tattaunawa mai amfani.
2.Guje wa tashin hankali:
Mace ta guji mayar da martani cikin fushi domin hakan na iya ƙara rikici.Haka ga duk matar da ta san mijinta mai saurin fushi ne ta mita ba tata ba ce.
3. Zaɓen lokacin da ya dace ku tattauna:
Tatttaunawa ta fi tasiri idan an yi ta a lokacin da miji ya huce ko a lokacin da ki ka san yana cikin nishaɗi.
4. Amfani da kalmomi masu jan hankali da kissa da salo na musamman:
Masana kamar Daniel Goleman sun nuna muhimmancin emotional intelligence wajen sarrafa rikici. Mace ita aka sani salo-salo na jan ra’ayin namiji har ma ta kai lokacin da zai sakko bai ma sani ba.
5. Addu’a:
Addu’a a irin waɗannan mazajen da suke da zafin zuciya da fushi wajibi ne don Allah ne zai sassauta musu wannan zafin zuciyar, addu’a musamman a a sujjada da duk lokacin da ki ka samu dama ta addu’a ko nafila cikin dare. Ki faɗawa Allah don samun magani gare shi.
Za mu ɗora a mako mai zuwa insha Allahu
