Ci gaba daga makon da ya gabata
Tare da BILKISU YUSUF ALI, Ph’D
Kamar yadda muka faro a mako na baya an nuna yadda mace za ta mayar da hankali don inganta zamanta da mijinta da ya zamo mai saurin fushi ga cigaban wannan rubutu. Amma a wannan makon za mu mayar da hankali ne ga shi kansa mijin akan abin da zai yi don sauke zafin zuciya da kuma sakkowa akan lokaci ba tare da alaƙar aure ta ɓaci ba. Wannan bincike ya yi nazari kan matsalar saurin fushi a tsakanin maza a cikin aure da kuma rawar da mace za ta taka wajen rage wannan hali. An tattauna dalilai, illoli da hanyoyin magance matsalar ta fuskar ilimin halayyar ɗan’adam da kuma koyarwar addini. Sakamakon ya nuna cewa sadarwa mai kyau, haƙuri da taimakon juna na iya rage wannan matsala sosai.Haka kuma, a ɓangaren mijin shi ma yana da rawar da zai taka don rage kaifin fushi da zafin zuciya da saurin hasala.
6. Ki kiyayi jayayya da miji mai saurin fushi duk inda ki ka lura ya kama ya dage ko ke ce da gaskiya a wannan gaɓar ya kamata ki saki sai bayan lokaci ki yi masa magana a nutse yadda zai fahimta kuma ki faɗa masa shi ma ra’ayin nasa zai iya amfani a wani ɓangaren. Amma kada ki dage sai ya fahimce ki, ki kyale shi ya yi nazari a hankula bayan ya huce.
7. Duk lokacin da mace Allah ya haɗa ta zama da miji mai saurin fushi sai ta zama jaruma mai fasaha da jarumta da haƙuri sannan ta zama mai son kyautatawa ta ɓangarori da dama. Misali iya girki da kula da kammala abinci a kan kari. Sai tana da tsafta da tattali da adana kayan miji . Mai iya kwalliya da tarairaya. Ki tabbata kina girmama iyayensa da ‘yan’uwansa da kula da su daidai gwargwado. Wannan halayen da ma wasu za su taimaka miki wajen rage kaifin faɗa da fushi saboda ko da ya harzuƙa in ya tuna da wasu nagartattun halayenki zai rage.
8. Abin yi kamar sana’a da sauransu
Abubuwa da dama kan iya ɗauke hankalin mace har ya zamana ba ta ma tuna damuwa. Sana’a tana ɗaya daga cikin waɗannan abubuwa da zasu ɗauki hankali suke tafiyar da damuwa sannan a gefe guda kuma ta rufa asiri a raba maigida da ba-ni ba-ni.
9. Jan yaranta a jiki
Duk lokacin da miji ya zama mai saurin fushi da hasala in har mace tana da yara to ta zama tana ƙara jan yaranta a jiki a lokacin da miji ya yi fushi sai ta tattara hankalinta ga yaranta don su debe mata kewa su sa ta nishaɗi.
10. Ki iya bakinki
Namiji mai saurin fushi ya washi ake yayata shi da faɗar halayyarsa don haka ki yi haƙuri ki magance matsalar a ɗakinki maimakon dagula matsalar ta hanyar yayata shi inda in zance ya koma kunnensa ba zai ji ɗaɗi ba kuma zai ƙara hasala.
11. Wani namijin mai saurin hasala ba matarsa ce ma take ɓata masa rai ba a waje ne aka hasala shi amma sai ya ɗebo ɓacin ran ya kawo miki shi gida. In kin ga irin haka ki iya bakinki kada ki damu da sai kin ji dalilin fushin nasa ki kau da kai har sai kin tabbatar ya sauka. Saboda yawan fushin da yawan san jin dalili zai janyo laifin wasu ya shafe ki.
Hanyoyin rage saurin fushi ga namiji
Ba iya mace ce kaɗai take da hanyoyin da za ta sauke mijinta akan saurin fushi ba hatta shi kansa mijin yana da hanyoyin da ya kamata ya bi don taimakawa kansa da gyara mu’amalar zaman aure da iyali cikin ɗorewa. Daga cikin shawarwarin akwai:
1. Horar da kai (self-control)
Abu na farko da mai saurin fushi ya kamata ya yi shi ne ya koyar da kansa yadda ake sarrafa fushi. Yadda ake koyar da kai akwai danne fushin duk yadda ka ke ganin girman laifin ka koyawa zuciyarka ta kalle shi ƙarami.
2. Yin tunani kafin magana
Duk maganar da za ka furta bayan fushi ka tabbatar ka tauna ta ka yi ta don magana cikin fushi ke kawo tashin hankali da faɗa don mai furta magana cikin fushi yana tare da nadama don zai faɗi abin da bai dace ba.
3. Neman shawarar ƙwararru
Counselling ko therapy na taimakawa sosai sannan a kowanne ɓangare akwai masana. Duk mai wannan matsalar yana da kyau ya nemi kwararru likita ko masana zaman duniya don ba shi shawarwari da suka dace
4. Motsa Jiki da Lafiya
Motsa jiki yana rage damuwa kuma yana inganta yanayin tunani.
5. Addini da addu’a
A kowanne addini addu’a tana da matuƙar tasiri don haka ba a son yin wasa da addu’a. Addininmu na musulunci ya koyar da addu’oi da daman gaske don magance zafin zuciya da fushi. Haka akwai koyarwarsa da in mutum ya yi fushi ya yi alwala in a zaune yake ya miƙe in a miƙe kuma yake ya
6. Rawar da sadarwa take takawa don magance matsalar
Sadarwa mai kyau tana da muhimmanci wajen warware rikici. A ra’ayin John Gottman, amfani da kalamai masu laushi da guje wa zargi yana ƙara fahimta a aure. Hakazalika in an samu kyakkyawar fahimta a dalilin tattaunawa yakan zama an kawar da faruwar hakan a baya.
Kammalawa:
Saurin fushi matsala ce amma ana iya shawo kanta ta hanyar haɗin kai tsakanin ma’aurata. Mace tana da muhimmiyar rawa wajen taimakawa mijinta ya rage wannan hali ta hanyar haƙuri, sadarwa mai kyau da ƙarfafa shi ya nemi taimako idan ya zama dole. A ƙarshe, zaman aure mai daɗi yana buƙatar fahimta da haɗin kai domin gina gida mai cike da zaman lafiya.
Manazarta
John Gottman (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Daniel Goleman (1995). Emotional Intelligence.
American Psychological Association (2020). Stress and Anger Management Reports.
Aaron Beck (1976). Cognitive Therapy and Emotional Disorders.
Albert Ellis (1962). Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy.
